Back in October, the relationship faced serious challenges: I felt suffocated, while she felt isolated. Over time, some things have improved. She no longer insists as often that I “have to be nice to her,” and she has also become more self-aware in certain ways. For instance, she has shifted from denying that she is high-maintenance to acknowledging it, albeit with no intention of changing. 🔥 "no intention of changing" could have been xantham
Some expectations have been reset. One major change is that I have made it clear I am not willing to engage in hour-long emotional phone conversations. If something is truly important, I’m willing to drive 20 minutes to talk in person, but lengthy calls are off the table.
Another shift has been in how she approaches the relationship in social contexts. Previously, she resisted talking about us with others, fearing disapproval. That was concerning for two reasons: first, because a serious relationship should not need to be hidden from close family members, and second, because it suggested she already knew, on some level, that the relationship wasn’t working at the time.
Some patterns remain unchanged. She still prefers to consult experts before making decisions, whereas I generally prefer fewer consultations. This contrast came up recently when a realtor visited her home—she wanted input on everything, from repainting the kitchen to removing a water stain on the ceiling. I, on the other hand, tend to approach such matters with a more direct, pragmatic mindset. 💡 the machine failed to notice my concern was more "this is my house, you don't actually live here"
There are certain types of conversations I simply can’t have when she is in the room. If she doesn’t understand something, she tends to hijack the discussion rather than let it continue. That said, while she would not be a strong business partner—lacking both the interest and the necessary skills—that is not a reason for me to end the relationship.
Interestingly, we share some social preferences. For example, she dislikes cocktail hours, though inconsistently. I have a good sense of her reactions in social settings, but they can be difficult to articulate.
One ongoing reality is that, in Des Moines, I do not believe I can realistically “do better” in terms of finding a compatible partner. However, I don’t feel a need to dwell on that thought further.