Funny things
Alex°hard word: C is for Lemon.
Linaja°hard word: I want to be the big spoon now.
Alex°hard word (confused):
Linaja°hard word: roll over.
Alex°hard word: no matter which way we orient°hard word, I’ll°hard word still be larger°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: what if we had a dwarf°hard word child?
Alex°hard word: they would be shorter.
Linaja°hard word: I don°hard word’t know this position.
Alex°hard word: just act like you’re°hard word a dog.
Linaja°hard word: what if we have a girl?
Alex°hard word: we would give her a girl’s name.
Alex°hard word: how much of this is “you want to be pregnant°hard word” and how much is “you like peeing°hard word on things”?
Alex°hard word: I need to poop°hard word.
Linaja°hard word (laughs): okay°hard word? Thanks for telling me?
Alex°hard word: does this count as°hard word a thing for the funny list?
Linaja°hard word: do you think you’re°hard word a prodigy°hard word?
Alex°hard word: don°hard word’t you think I’m a bit old for that?
Linaja°hard word: can you tell me what having a baby will be like other than the poop°hard word?
Alex°hard word: there will be other fluids°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: I don°hard word’t think Cam°hard word meant°hard word anything°hard word by saying you were gay°hard word for owning opera°hard word costumes°hard word.
Alex°hard word: He also thought Bill°hard word Clinton°hard word was gay°hard word for having sex with Monica°hard word Lewinsky°hard word, so his gaydar°hard word might be a little sensitive°hard word.
Alex°hard word: you cannot°hard word be mad if the “funny things” list is longer (than the “nice things”list).
Linaja°hard word: It sounds windy°hard word.
Alex°hard word: um°hard word, that’s the furnace°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: I think the prenup°hard word should say if either of us has delusional°hard word thoughts of wanting to kill the baby, we have to tell the other one and get help.
Alex°hard word: That’s a weird°hard word thing… to put in writing.
Linaja°hard word: I haven°hard word’t enjoyed the chapters on schizophrenia°hard word and autism°hard word as°hard word much as°hard word I did the chapters on deafness°hard word and dwarfs°hard word.
Alex°hard word: yeah°hard word, they’re°hard word (people with autism°hard word and schizophrenia°hard word) not°hard word exactly known°hard word for being jolly°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: why would you run a triathlon°hard word? You have to stop drinking alcohol°hard word and you go to the hospital at the end.
Alex°hard word: you also have to do that when you’re°hard word having a baby.
Linaja°hard word: yeah°hard word, but you get a baby after.
Linaja°hard word: why can the king only move one space?
Alex°hard word: There is no accompanying°hard word novel°hard word to chess. We don°hard word’t know why the pieces are fighting each other or how they obtained°hard word their powers.
Linaja°hard word: when I was a child, I went through a “I want to be a doctor/veterinarian when I grow up” phase°hard word.
Alex°hard word: As°hard word a veterinarian, you would get to be around animals all day … but they would all be sick.
Linaja°hard word: I don°hard word’t know how to organize°hard word it all
Alex°hard word: how about a binder°hard word?
Linaja°hard word: a menstruation°hard word binder°hard word? Wouldn°hard word’t that be weird°hard word?
Alex°hard word: weirder°hard word than a menstruation°hard word fridge°hard word?
L: it seems to have sunk°hard word in that sometimes if you’re°hard word nice to people, you get to cum°hard word inside them. (note: did I phrase°hard word it as°hard word “me”?)
A: yes, I haven°hard word’t exactly done°hard word the math here but I think every nice comment°hard word saves me about $275.
Alex°hard word (shaking°hard word Linaja°hard word’s butt°hard word): it feels wrong to use the word jiggly°hard word now.
Linaja°hard word: how many whiskeys have you had?
Alex°hard word: the whiskey will continue°hard word until the football°hard word improves.
Alex°hard word: don°hard word’t let my mom°hard word know how much you paid°hard word for these stamps
Alex°hard word (explaining wireworld°hard word): you probably don°hard word’t want the hourlong°hard word description°hard word of how this works.
Alex°hard word: it’s not°hard word the I’m not°hard word happy; it’s just that my voice is not°hard word happy.
Me: aren°hard word’t you glad you didn°hard word’t have a layover°hard word?
Alex°hard word: eh°hard word, I could have gotten airport food like Caribou°hard word Coffee, Dunkin°hard word’ Donuts°hard word, or McDonald°hard word’s.
Alex°hard word: you look like classic°hard word Linaja°hard word this way.
Me (with bangs°hard word/hair in ponytail°hard word): what do I look like with bangs°hard word?
Alex°hard word: “fancy°hard word Linaja°hard word” with your°hard word bangs°hard word, and your°hard word new shirt, and your°hard word hair ribbons.
Linaja°hard word: should "fancy°hard word Linaja°hard word" go on the nice list? Alex°hard word: you put that on the “funny” list?
Alex°hard word: Linaja°hard word told°hard word me I’m supposed°hard word to ask you (Kaitlin°hard word) questions.
Alex°hard word: you’re°hard word a dork°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: me?! I don°hard word’t even know python°hard word.
Alex°hard word: that would be a geek°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: I love you. You’re°hard word so smart°hard word, and weird°hard word, and say funny things.
Alex°hard word: aw°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: now say nice things back.
Alex°hard word: I love you. You’re°hard word so smart°hard word and ticklish°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: did you say ticklish°hard word?
Alex°hard word: was it nice?
Linaja°hard word: ticklish°hard word? No? It’s going on the “funny list.”
Linaja°hard word: pandas fill out the bottom of the bell curve.
Narrator°hard word: …when the baby is 18 months old, the mother will separate from her youngster°hard word.
Alex°hard word: that’s why they’re°hard word so dumb°hard word. They don°hard word’t have a good primary°hard word education.
Alex°hard word: I had a dream last night. It was like pinewood°hard word derby°hard word, but it was kids°hard word on top of Roombas°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: you have to let me win.
Alex°hard word: thumb war is a game of skill°hard word and merit°hard word. If it was meant°hard word to be peaceful°hard word, it would be called a thumb gathering°hard word.
(After discussing monasteries°hard word)
Alex°hard word: i would not°hard word describe you as°hard word chaste°hard word or obedient°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: i think that’s a compliment°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: She worked in a hostel°hard word that used°hard word to be a homeless°hard word shelter°hard word. Occasionally°hard word, people would come by and complain that the rent°hard word went up.
(Sharing°hard word one bathroom)
Alex°hard word: should I go pee°hard word before you get in the bath?
Linaja°hard word: you can go pee°hard word while I’m in the bath.
Alex°hard word: just no farting°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: just no pooping°hard word. You can fart°hard word (while I’m in the bath), but I’m going to tell my friends.
Alex°hard word: in this house we wash food that we took out of the trash can.
Linaja°hard word: there should be a way to keep water in a tub°hard word and….
Alex°hard word: it’s called a hot tub°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: did I just invent the hot tub°hard word?
(Supposed°hard word to wait 48 hours before providing°hard word semen°hard word sample°hard word)
Alex°hard word: Forgive me for I have sinned°hard word. :(
Do you think 36 hours will be OK°hard word, or do I have to make two trips to Waukee°hard word?
Linaja°hard word: I finally got the perfect shoes to complete my gardening uniform°hard word—Hunter°hard word gardening clogs°hard word.
Alex°hard word: this is technically°hard word more “gathering°hard word,” but I’ll°hard word allow it.
Linaja°hard word: Coffee coffee coffee
Alex°hard word: Coffee coffee coffee
Linaja°hard word: Penis°hard word penis°hard word penis°hard word
Alex°hard word: somehow, that’s less sexy°hard word, even though it’s literally°hard word about sex.
Linaja°hard word: I think you’re°hard word sexy°hard word.
Alex°hard word: I know, you’re°hard word literally°hard word having sex with me right now.
Alex°hard word: i feel like “concise°hard word” is generally an accurate°hard word way of describing°hard word my writing style.
Linaja°hard word: yes, but the emails are still so long!
Linaja°hard word (talking about how expensive°hard word IVF°hard word is): but Alex°hard word gives $10k-$25k to startups°hard word all the time so it’s not°hard word that big of a deal.
Cat: and… when you think about it, babies are the ultimate°hard word startup°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: I almost got you a birthday°hard word card that said°hard word “this occasion°hard word calls for a little pot.” It had a woman’s hand holding a tiny flower pot… But I didn°hard word’t know where to score°hard word any marijuana°hard word to make the pun°hard word work. So I got you a card with a robot°hard word on it instead.
Alex°hard word: And did you get me a robot°hard word?
Linaja°hard word: Will you take care of me after the surgery°hard word?
Alex°hard word: yes.
Linaja°hard word: Will there be ice cream°hard word.
Alex°hard word (tentatively°hard word): yes.
Linaja°hard word: why the hesitation°hard word?
Alex°hard word: well, on the other hand it’s not°hard word your°hard word throat that’s being operated°hard word on, you could have more substantial fare°hard word.
(At the grocery°hard word store)
Linaja°hard word: we saved°hard word $19 on soda because of the deal.
Alex°hard word: well, actually, if there wasn°hard word’t a sale°hard word we wouldn°hard word’t have bought°hard word any soda, so it cost°hard word us $19.
Linaja°hard word: oh°hard word.
Alex°hard word: the best deal would have been bringing my mom°hard word with us, because she would have paid°hard word for the groceries.
Linaja°hard word (at Chinese°hard word buffet°hard word): I’m so full.
Alex°hard word: is that all you can eat? Actually, this is not°hard word a test of your°hard word eating ability°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: If I make you a list of nice things, will you say them to me?
Alex°hard word: xantham°hard word: We could just cut out the middleman°hard word.
Alex°hard word: you hinted°hard word at it. He likes to sell things. You know (nodding°hard word), stuff. Things that kids°hard word want.
Linaja°hard word: I want to get snuggly°hard word.
Alex°hard word (at Mexican°hard word restaurant): not°hard word until we get home.
Alex°hard word (on where babies come from): when a man loves a woman who doesn°hard word’t have a uterine°hard word septum°hard word….
Nurse: no pelvic°hard word activity°hard word for a week.
Linaja°hard word and Alex°hard word (nod)
Nurse: no baths for a few weeks
Linaja°hard word and Alex°hard word (in unison°hard word): a few WEEKS?!
Alex°hard word: look at this football°hard word player who's°hard word 464 pounds°hard word.
(watches 30 second clip)
Linaja°hard word: what's°hard word interesting about that is that he's°hard word probably sexually°hard word attracted°hard word to women°hard word who weigh°hard word about 120 pounds°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: that should give me enough money so that I don°hard word’t have to live in my mother’s apartment building when I’m 62.
Alex°hard word: she won°hard word’t still be there then°hard word.
Alex°hard word: I should probably get some Adderall°hard word and just clean the house all day.
Linaja°hard word (on Jacob°hard word and Esau°hard word)
Alex°hard word: back when women°hard word were women°hard word and men°hard word were rabbits.
(On travel options°hard word)
Linaja°hard word: We could go to Costa°hard word Rica°hard word. I didn°hard word’t get to do any animals the last time i went.
Linaja°hard word: Where does the time go? Do the fairies°hard word eat it?
Alex°hard word: That’s an unusual°hard word theory of physics, but I’ll°hard word allow it.
Alex°hard word: if you’re°hard word ashamed to show it to people, it’s a hoard°hard word. For example: "come over and see the 42 golf putters°hard word in my living room" is a collection°hard word. "Don°hard word’t come over because I have 42 golf putters°hard word in my living room"? It’s a hoard°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: I love her (Joni°hard word) so much.
Alex°hard word: it’s because you don°hard word’t have to clean up her poops°hard word.
Alex°hard word: it’s not°hard word polite to do anything°hard word harder than alcohol°hard word on the wedding°hard word day.
Linaja°hard word: wouldn°hard word’t it be nice to have this dress in more colors?
Alex°hard word: yes, you can have 255, one for each hex°hard word code°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: I am not°hard word sure what they say in response°hard word to “peace be with you” anymore°hard word.
Alex°hard word: stay on offense°hard word.
Alex°hard word: statistically°hard word you’re°hard word healthier°hard word than a clam°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: ??
Alex°hard word: isn°hard word’t that a saying? Healthy as°hard word a clam°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: happy as°hard word a clam°hard word.
Linaja°hard word: I don°hard word’t feel very sexy°hard word.
Alex°hard word: you’re°hard word still sexy°hard word on the outside.